top of page

When the Holidays Bring Out the Worst in Both of You

Why Arguing More This Time of Year Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken


If you and your partner argue more between Thanksgiving and New Year’s… welcome to the club.


Holiday stress magnifies everything — your differences, your expectations, your exhaustion, and even that tiny thing they do that drives you absolutely crazy. The truth? You’re not fighting because something’s wrong with your relationship. You’re fighting because you’re both overwhelmed.


When we’re tired and stretched thin, it’s easy to mistake stress for disconnection. Suddenly, every conversation feels heavier, every comment sounds sharper, and your partner starts looking more like the problem than the person you love.



Two people in swimwear run along a beach at sunset, creating splashes near the shoreline. The sky is pink and calming, enhancing the serene vibe.


Why Stress Feeds Conflict



The holidays pile on expectations: be cheerful, be generous, make everything magical — all while keeping up with work, family, and about a hundred other responsibilities. When your nervous system is in survival mode, empathy takes a back seat. That’s when small disagreements turn into full-blown arguments.


But here’s the truth: conflict doesn’t mean you’re falling apart, it means you’re maxed out. You’re both doing your best to cope in different ways. The key isn’t avoiding conflict, it’s recognizing what’s underneath it: two people craving connection but reacting from stress.




A smiling couple holds their toddler's hands as they walk on a sunny beach. Blue sky and ocean waves in the background, joyful mood.

The Question That Changes Everything


Next time you feel an argument brewing, pause before snapping back and ask: “What do we need right now, connection or control?”


Spoiler alert… it’s usually connection.


Take one deep breath. Soften your voice. Reach out, literally. A hand on their arm, a hug, even a small smile can shift the entire dynamic.


You’re not enemies trying to win a fight, you’re partners trying to find your way back to each other.


Two people sit on a rocky cliff, looking out at the ocean. They're wearing jackets, with greenery and a vast sea in the background. Peaceful mood.

The Best Gift You Can Give Each Other This Year: Grace


Grace for the stress. 

Grace for fatigue.

Grace for the fact that neither of you can keep everything together 100% of the time.


You’re both doing your best, just remember to do it together.


Because the holidays don’t require perfection. They just require presence, patience, and the willingness to reach for each other, even in the messy moments.


Couple embracing on a beach; woman in a brown dress, man in a white shirt. Ocean waves in the background, setting a serene mood.

How To Work With Me

If this blog resonates with you, I invite you to explore these themes even further. In addition to Telehealth services, I have workshops and retreats filled with experiences designed to support you in the season you’re in. Whether you’re navigating change or simply wanting to feel more vibrancy and connection, support is here when you’re ready.


Rachel Smith, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Intimacy Expert

About The Author

Rachel Smith is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Board Certified Sex Therapist with a passion for empowering ambitious women and committed couples. She is dedicated to guiding them on a journey of love and healing, helping to rekindle passion and deepen connections. As the founder of Infinite Intimacy, Rachel offers therapeutic services, workshops, and retreats designed to support clients in embracing their authentic selves in both life and relationships.






 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page