The #1 Thing That Increases Intimacy (and It’s Not What You Think)
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The #1 Thing That Increases Intimacy (and It’s Not What You Think)

Why Listening Is the New Sexy


Most people think intimacy means more sex toys, wild nights, or elaborate role play. And sure — those things can be fun. But they’re not the core.


Real intimacy starts with being seen. When you take the time to genuinely listen to your partner — no phone, no TV, no half-distracted “uh-huh” responses — you send a powerful message: You matter to me.

And when someone feels seen, that’s when desire starts to unlock naturally. Because desire doesn’t thrive in pressure or performance — it thrives in emotional safety and connection.



Two people in swimwear run along a beach at sunset, creating splashes near the shoreline. The sky is pink and calming, enhancing the serene vibe.


How Listening Builds Desire



When your partner feels heard, their nervous system relaxes. Walls come down. Communication opens up.

It’s not just about hearing words, it’s about paying attention to what’s beneath them. The tone. The pauses. The emotions.


That kind of listening isn’t passive, it’s active. It says: I see your world. I care about what’s happening in it. And that’s where connection turns into chemistry.



A smiling couple holds their toddler's hands as they walk on a sunny beach. Blue sky and ocean waves in the background, joyful mood.

Try this Conversation Tonight



If you want to spark intimacy tonight, skip the Netflix and ask your partner these three simple questions:


What’s one thing I should know about you right now? 

What’s something exciting or challenging you have going on? 

What’s one way I can support you this week?


Then listen, really listen. No interruptions. No “fixing.” No scrolling. Just curiosity and presence.

You’ll be amazed at how quickly the energy between you shifts.


Two people sit on a rocky cliff, looking out at the ocean. They're wearing jackets, with greenery and a vast sea in the background. Peaceful mood.

The Real Secret to Intimacy


Connection doesn’t need more effort, it needs more attention. When your partner feels heard, they feel safe. When they feel safe, they open up. And when they open up, that’s when intimacy happens, emotionally and physically.


So tonight, trade “doing more” for being present. Desire will take it from there.


Want more ways to spark real conversations and deepen connection? Download our Let’s Talk About It Workbook, it’s filled with intimacy-building questions designed to bring you closer than ever.



Couple embracing on a beach; woman in a brown dress, man in a white shirt. Ocean waves in the background, setting a serene mood.

How To Work With Me

If this blog resonates with you, I invite you to explore these themes even further. In addition to Telehealth services, I have workshops and retreats filled with experiences designed to support you in the season you’re in. Whether you’re navigating change or simply wanting to feel more vibrancy and connection, support is here when you’re ready.


Rachel Smith, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Intimacy Expert

About The Author

Rachel Smith is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Board Certified Sex Therapist with a passion for empowering ambitious women and committed couples. She is dedicated to guiding them on a journey of love and healing, helping to rekindle passion and deepen connections. As the founder of Infinite Intimacy, Rachel offers therapeutic services, workshops, and retreats designed to support clients in embracing their authentic selves in both life and relationships.






 
 
 
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